Sunday, April 12, 2009

Glenn Beck declares war on Obama, but also, on PASTAFARIANS and the EARTH!!!

He said this, supposedly, to Barrack Obama:
President Obama, why don't you just set us on fire. For the love of Pete, what are you doing? Do you not hear—do you not hear the cries of people who are saying stop! We would like some sanity in our country for a second!!!
Are you sure, Glenn? You sure do seem to be trying to beg for as much INsanity as you can get. And not just you. Is it just coincidence that "insanity" damned nearly rhymes with "Sean Hannity?" I could almost do a limerick. But I'm too busy panicking because the president wants to set me on fire. Least that's what I think Beck's trying to say.

Which reminds me of the words of another "Beck": Suy um perdidor... is that Glenn's inspiration? Asking the president to kill him, because, "Obama... I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?" I think I may be onto something.

Then he goes:
We didn't vote for any of this stuff. We voted for change. You know what that change was? The change we wanted was an end to the games. We wanted the games to be ended. We want people to say what they mean and mean what they say. We want people just to be honest. We want the parties to actually stand for something. We want the spending that is out of control—you're building bridges that lead to nowhere. You're spending money that leads only to slavery!
Sigh... Glenn, honey, baby, the kettle you just called black is laughing at you. Slavery? Games to end? How about this game... the one where when your party loses an election you have to exaggerate the living shit out of everything they do and make it sound like their every move is another SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! That game. Yeah, um... stop it. Or at least do not pass Go, do not collect $200, you idiot.

Even more fun, at the end of the USNews article from which I extracted these quotes, they end with a video from Beck, where he's clearly declaring war on pirates. Now as a firm believer that the world was made by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, let me just warn you all, AS HYSTERICALLY AS POSSIBLE!!! that global warming will be blown way the hell out of proportion if we kill the pirates!!! Seriously!!! It's one of the most basic fundamental beliefs of any Pastafarian, like myself!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GLENN BECK IS GOING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE PLANET BY KILLING PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY AREN'T YOU PANICKING WITH ME??? Are you one of those anti-Pastafarianist haters?

By the way, Glenn... as well as my blond ex-friend, this is what hysteria looks like, except... I'm kidding, and you're not.