Monday, June 29, 2009

Not enough of us speak out

I am militant against the militant pushing of religion, but I am not even an atheist. Yet I have to agree with this video. The Dawkins page upon which I discovered this defined it:
ATHEIST (n.): one without a belief in, or one who lacks belief in, the existence of god or gods.
But this is not me. Well, I have beliefs in god. I have ideas about god all the time. I don't claim any of them are factual. Half the time when I have one I dismiss it shortly thereafter. My beliefs change. Many days I dismiss the possibility of god entirely, then take it back up for humor, or serious pondering, and sometimes even talk to the guy, only to curse him out or dismiss him again later. Why? Because. I won't even pretend there's reason for why I do this. I just do, and that's my prerogative.

I'm told that this makes me agnostic. What does agnostic mean? Seems to me it means someone who claims no knowledge of god. Well, I submit everyone's agnostic. Nobody has knowledge of god. Nobody at all. I don't choose that label either, since it's more focused on what doesn't define me: knowledge. What defines me is not whether I claim to know, but whether I care. I don't give a shit if there's a god or not. What's the word for that? Because that's what you'd call me. If there were, if there weren't, it wouldn't change who I am.

What I'm sick of is for anybody certain that there is a god, and that they know his thoughts. I've got no problems with someone who makes that same certainty that there is not one. This video really explains why. Though the believers constantly try to tell me that Hitler was an atheist and that lack of religion sets a person free to kill and be far more untrustworthy, I remind them simply that nearly all the pain in my life came from believers and their bullying and abuse.

I am militant. About how much I don't care, and I don't want anybody trying to make me care. About how much I don't want religion shoved onto me, and then some. I don't care what offends you. It does not dictate that I cannot do it just because you don't like it, or you claim your god doesn't like it. I care about what's better for myself and for the people around me. That, it seems, is what matters. Not that you cry when you see it. Not that your hallucination cries when I do it. But whether it matters to you or the people, who exist, around me. And usually... it doesn't.

But what's done in the name of religion... censorship, inquisition, judgment, shame, violence, brutality, mutilation, or just plain jackassery... those things are what bother me. They affect me. It's not sanctimonious for me to tell you to stop fucking my planet up, or my civil rights, or my being. It's absolutely sanctimonious for you to tell me I have to have skin cut off my penis before I'm old enough to give consent, that my every urge and lust will have shame cast upon it before I'm old enough to realize your shame shouldn't matter to me, that my nude body is called indecent and that I cannot legally bare in the presence of people like you. It's absolutely sanctimonious that I cannot purchase a beer in this state on a Sunday, or marry someone of the same sex so that I can have the equal rights that come along with that, or that my sexuality, or my not being Christian often can get me fired without cause.

So tell me again why I should give a shit what people think about "militant atheists" or why I should even for a second back down in debate with these people? I agree with this kid. Not enough of us stand our ground. Not enough of us speak up. Not enough of what they don't want to hear gets heard.

I just want to be. When fighting for that right somehow makes me just as bad as they are in far too many peoples eyes. It's no wonder I refuse to back down.