Friday, August 21, 2009

The Red Pill Road... we walk it on our own footing

We went to Gentle Ben's bar, right beside the U of A on University Ave., to hang out with Sean's church pals. Because this gang of Lutherans are rebels, I tell ya. And so, I try to be on my semi-best behavior, which is not easy for me given how I've traveled the road of Christianity and found that for one to do the same rebellious acts that Christ supposedly did in his day, it really opens your eyes to the character of the congregation.

This is why I'll never set foot in church again. I've graduated. Like Neo who took the red pill rather than the blue, or Plato's caveman who has seen, and cannot unsee, the figures that make the shadows, I cannot go back. And what I'm noticing is that the leader of this congregation is experiencing precisely the same thing and is on the same journey that I walked.

I could easily corrupt him with what I know. I shall hold back. He has to find it for himself, of course. But I am glad to meet a fellow traveler, even if on a step several back from where I am upon it.

We started off on the balcony until the storms threatened to water down our beers nature's way. That's okay, for you can see, the bar's seats are horridly uncomfortable. But what happens when we move in is that it's too loud for me to hear much. What I do hear, however, involves a minister's attempts to reach out to graffiti artists and gang members. He is the only one in that congregation to have reached out to, and converted, an actual American indigenous person, you see. They keep coming with him out of concern that he's getting too... rebellious... accepting... and they don't like him having bar-beer drinking get-togethers, I'm sure. He is angry at the leadership in fact.

Exactly where I was. And I told him as much.

We discussed expansion into other parts of the world that are considered sinful. Yes, he even talked about reaching out to strippers. I find it refreshing to hear him making these questions. We challenged that these women are legitimately making money the only way that they can find, to support families, to make sure their children are not starving, to advance in a very misogynistic world. I can tell it sets his mind spinning. I can see him unsettled. I can tell he's questioning and opening his eyes. I like what I see. I can see how uncomfortable it makes him. I can see him hungering for the discomfort rather than the pillow of dogma. He does not want to unsee the figures in the shadows. He does not want to be Cipher, wishing he could take the blue pill.

I keep pondering if I should share with him my URL and book. I keep wondering would it reveal the journey ahead, or ruin his journey? I always wonder if my book should just be kept unpublished so that people would walk it themselves in their own times. I want it published, but is that selfish? I just don't know. And that is the dilemma. I keep thinking really we can't wait for people to wake up. We have to throttle their asses, but I know that throttling usually scares them back to dreamland and the dogma pillow.

But I was most amused by the bathroom.

You see, I had to pee, so I go in and stand at the urinal next to this beefy bearish gent who is not in our group at all. He's cute, not bad... not superhung but not bad at all... (yes, of course I peeked)... and he informs me to be careful because the urinal I'm using overflows and sprays outward when you flush it. I looked and realize from the mess that he must be correct. He then says:

"I'm sorry to break man ettiquette there, but just figured I should let you know."

I find the "man ettiqutte" thing funny, and let him know this.

"Well, you know," he says, "nothing's more awkward than two guys this close and both holding their peters to suddenly strike up a conversation."

And of course, I think but do not SAY, "No, that's pretty much par for the course in my life. We're usually holding each others and ramming things up each others orafices," but I just nod and laugh. And then I rejoin the group of rebellious Christians and converse further about sexual encounters, experimentation, the boundaries of what is sin being changed by better understanding of psychology and culture, and of course... I chug more beer.

He has expanded so far as to accept homosexuals, to want to reach out to gangs, to realize that life expands outward rather than stays within proper boundaries. I just ponder, is he ready. Would he really be okay with the full me.

And I keep on good behavior. Well, semi-good.